A woman has been supported by other internet users as she sought advice after being left confused by the games she feels her partner is playing with her feelings.
Mumsnet user Seapearlstar shared a post on the U.K.-based forum explaining that she reconnected with someone she has been in an on-off relationship with for the last three years. After noticing how positive things had been for the last six months, the user felt able to open up to her partner to tell him that she loved him.
Unfortunately for the Mumsnet user, her partner didn’t give the reaction she was hoping for, as he responded with “I’m glad” as well as the perplexing statement “don’t give to get.” These confusing comments led the original poster to feel “blindsided” by what her partner was trying to tell her.
The poster felt that her partner was “game playing” and goes on to admit that she “got angry with him” and “said a few nasty things,” as well as sending voice messages in “an angry tone.”
A study conducted in 2011 and published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology identified common trends among heterosexual partners, particularly regarding their commitment to each other.
They found that on average men took 97.3 days to consider saying “I love you” to their partner, whereas women on average took 138 days to think about saying the precious words. The study also found that men were more likely to say the words before their partners too.
Both men and women generally reported feelings of happiness after their partner told them they loved them, whenever they chose to say it.
Psychotherapist Tracy Klemme, who specializes in creating healthy relationships, told Newsweek: “Miscommunication is common in all relationships. It can be hurtful and frustrating to try to navigate, the key is how you recover from the miscommunication.
“Expression and asking for clarification are two of the best ways to handle a miscommunication. Express how you are feeling and ask for clarification about what your partner is thinking and feeling. When we keep the feelings inside we often create a different narrative to what is going on for our partner.”
Klemme also spoke about how an open mindset can help reconfigure a person’s perspective: “Remaining curious and open can help clear up whether your boyfriend is hot or cold, and then you get to decide what to do with his reaction.”
The Mumsnet post, which was shared on January 23, had received 172 comments at the time of writing. After saying she is in a “bit of a head mess,” the original poster has received much support, with many commenters feeling her partner is in the wrong.
Users were quick to offer their counsel reassuring the original poster that they didn’t believe she was at fault. One commented: “He loves blowing hot and cold on you, it makes you insecure and puts all the power in his hands. Your bedtime exchange was just downright nasty of him. Why are you tolerating such disrespect and cruelty?”
Another offered some guidance: “He’s playing games to gain control, but you let yourself down by responding with the nasty responses. I’d apologize for the nasty things you said to him and see what he says. Next time don’t stoop to his level.”
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